Today

We saw our girl again today. She was the most entertaining little thing to watch going wild across the screen as the poor technician tried to get decent pictures of her. She is quite the spirited baby already. We laughed so much. I was so happy seeing her heart beating strong and her little baby body rolling and tumbling around that I almost forgot why we were having the ultrasound in the first place. Almost.

After the tech had gotten all she said the doctor would need VJ and I were taken to a room to wait for the doctor to review the ultrasound. We talked about asking more questions this time around. We talked about how we could handle whatever God had planned for our daughter. Then the doctor came in. I sat tense, my heart pounding. I was totally unprepared for what she said. After reviewing the ultrasound she said our baby weighed 2 lbs 6 oz. She was growing at a beautiful rate. Then she said the most wonderful thing I have ever heard. The babies bowels seemed to be clearing up. She saw no reason why we should need to continue seeing a high risk doctor.This baby, my daughter, is healed.

I can not explain the joy I feel tonight. My God is so good. He is our protector, He is our healer. My heart is so full of happiness. I am so thankful.There are 87 days left until my due date. I can not wait to see my child. I can not wait to hear her first cry. I can not wait to look into her eyes. I can not wait, but I will. I will shout from the rooftops that God has been so good to us, and I will wait.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is another big day for our family. A doctor day. We will drive to Nashville. Vj and I will talk and try to act like we are not nervous. We will walk in to doctors offices where receptionists and nurses will make jokes with us. We will laugh and VJ will probably have every lady in that place cracking up as he puts on a show as always. I love that about him. It takes the focus off of me. Maybe people won't notice that when we talk about this sweet baby I am carrying I fold inward just a little as if maybe I can protect her just a little more. We will watch our girl dance across a screen again. I will scrutinize every look on the ultrasound tech's face to see if she will give me an clues as to what the doctor will tell us this time. The doctor will talk to us and we will try to understand the meaning behind all that medical terminology. Then we will go home and try to process what just happened and gear up for more weeks of waiting.

I used to be laid back. I used to never let anything get under my skin. I have never struggled with anxiety. That was until now. If you have never been through a pregnancy like mine you may not be able to understand.It is a scary thing, this uncertainty.I need an extra dose of courage tomorrow. I need an extra dose of courage for the next 12 weeks. I am afraid and I hope that is ok. I am doing my very best to remain calm. I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. I want to bring glory to God, even in the times when I am at my weakest. I will do my best to be strong. I will cling to the promises of my God, and I will wait...

Fear vs faith

The past week has been rough for me. It seems like there is an ongoing internal struggle between my faith in God's plan for my daughter and the fear of what might be coming. There is a constant tug of war in my heart and sometimes even I am not sure which side is actually winning. I know the truth about my God. In moments of weakness I know He is near. I can hear the echo of scripture reverberating in my mind. Jer. 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future." Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified,do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." These things I am sure of, and when I feel like I am lost in a world of "why's" and "what if's" I remember these verses and make the choice to find rest in the arms of my savior. It is hard. Everyday I have to choose faith over the fear that so easily envelopes a mother worried over the life of her child. Ultimately she is not mine. She belongs to God.

Friday is our next appointment and ultrasound. I am excited to get to see our girl again. Please friends, pray with us. I ask that you pray for God to give us strength and His peace, and as always pray she will be healthy. I will never be able to express to you all how much it means to have friends and family willing to live life with us over the next few months until we get to meet our sweet girl face to face. Hopefully the next few days will move by quickly. Hopefully the next few months go by quickly, but for now I wait.

p.s. I wanted to share a song with you all that has been an anthem for me over the past few weeks. The song is "Always" by Kristian Stanfill.

The post where I tell you happy things and show you photo's from my Iphone.

This week we celebrated my 24th birthday. I had to work but VJ did a great job of making the day feel really special. He wrote me love notes. He and Oliver came to eat lunch with me. He had to go to work later that afternoon so he left me flowers at his mom's house when I went to pick up Oliver. He knows things like that make me happy.


Oliver is growing like crazy. He is the funniest little baby! This week he had some really crazy hair days.

Not quite sure what happened there.

There was a moment the other day when we were riding in the car listening to Adele when I looked back and saw him sleeping so peacefully. He just made my heart melt. There is nothing like being a mother and I am so thankful every day for the joy Oliver brings to my life.



Now, on the pregnancy front.... VJ and I are still in search of a name for our sweet girl. This task is proving to be quite difficult. Especially since my heart is already set on a name and it just so happens VJ does not like it. I am at week 26 (almost 27) of this pregnancy and still battle morning sickness daily. Not so fun for me, but it will all be worth it in the end. Pregnancy seems to do funny things to a girls emotions. A few weeks ago I was walking around Kroger and a song came on that I could not really make out the words to but the melody sounded sad, and suddenly I found myself crying. I imagine a few people thought I was crazy. I apologize to any shoppers I might have frightened! There are 13 days until our next ultrasound. We ask our friends to keep praying. Pray she will be healthy. Pray her growth will stay on track. Pray for VJ and I.


This week I am doing my best to remain positive.I am listening for God's voice telling me that no matter what, He is in control. I am trying not to be afraid. I will pass time preparing for my daughter to be born, and giving extra love to my little Oliver.I will wait for the days to fly by. I will wait.

morning.

I woke up early this morning to the feeling of my sweet girl dancing around in my stomach. Which made me smile, and also brought me to the realization that I was very, VERY hungry. So now here I sit, eating a poptart while everyone else in the house is sound asleep. It's so quiet in this house. I love peaceful moments like these, but somehow they always make me miss the pitter patter of my Oliver's feet running through the house in search of new adventures. Soon we will have two babies to make all those happy noises. That thought makes me wonder...Will she be able to run like her brother? What will her future look like? This is the hardest part about not knowing. I am a person who likes answers. If I don't know the answer to a question I enjoy looking for it. So, here I sit with a huge question mark stamped on the future of my daughter's life and no way to find the answer. It hurts, and it scares me, and sometimes it makes me so mad. And in those moments I can almost hear the whisper of God in my heart. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will straighten your paths." Trust in Him. Why is that so hard? Doesn't God know that this is my child that we are talking about? Another thought rocks me to my core. What about His child? What about Jesus? Was it not difficult for Him to watch His son live perfectly only to have to die a horrific death to save the world from its own sin? I am sure it was hard for Him but it was all part of a bigger plan. He has a plan for my daughter. He has a plan for our family. He will make our paths straight. He will give us answers in His time.

For now, I will spend time enjoying the sound of this little guy running wildly through the house, and I will wait.

from then to now

I guess I should start with a little background information. My name is Katelyn. I am married to my high school sweet heart, VJ, and we have a beautiful son named Oliver. I am currently pregnant with our second child, a little girl, which is the main reason I started this blog. Five weeks ago we went to have our 20 week ultrasound to see how our baby was growing and to find out the gender of our newest addition. We were happy to find out that we were having a girl and immediately after our ultrasound concluded started calling family and friends to share the great news. We then went to see our OB/GYN, Dr. D, and that is where this story takes a bit of a turn. Dr. D asks us if we had been informed yet that something did not look quite right on the ultrasound. We had not. He said our little girls bowels appeared echogenic, which means that they were brighter on the ultrasound than they were supposed to be. He informed us that when they see things like that on an ultrasound it can be an indicator of health issues such as Cystic Fibrosis and Downs Syndrome among other things. He set us up with a high risk pregnancy facility to have a second opinion ultrasound, and then assured us that in most cases these readings are invalid and that we should not worry too much.(Like that is even an option for a mother) So that was day one of the wait. We were scheduled to see the high risk two days later. So in the mean time we prayed. We asked for guidance and we asked for peace. We asked our friends and family to pray. Then we went to our next appointment and saw our beautiful girl on the screen again. The doctor confirmed what the first had seen. Her bowels did seem abnormal. She told us more about what we could be dealing with, and also let us know that in the end our girl could end up being completely healthy. The only way to know for sure would be amniocentesis and neither Vj nor I were comfortable having that testing done. We had blood work done to check for infections and to see if I was a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis, and we were told to return in four weeks for another ultrasound.

So we wait more...and pray more...and research more. We celebrate Christmas, and we all laugh and enjoy spending extra time with family.I enjoy plenty of cuddle time with my husband and Oliver and I spend alot of time alternating between worrying about my baby and trying not to worry. Slowly, our next appointment approaches. People reach out to us, pray for us, write us encouraging notes. There is no way to put in to words the gratitude I feel for all the people willing to walk this path with us.

We have our next appointment. We see our girl again and she makes us laugh. She sucks her thumb. She yawns. VJ was amused when at one point he says she stuck out her tongue. We keep thinking this will be the last time we will have to do this. Surely they will say all is well and we can carry on as normal from here on out, but they dont. The doctor tells us she is growing well,which is a great sign, but her bowels still look echogenic. Unless we decided to do the amniocentesis(which we already know we will not do because there are more risks than benefits at this point) we will continue to have ultrasounds and track her growth and development until she is born, and that will be the day we will know for sure if this baby will have any health issues.

That catches you up to today. Day 36 of waiting. 109 days until my due date. I am doing my very best to remain positive. I know God has plans for my child and that His plans are better than my own. For now, I wait.