Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is another big day for our family. A doctor day. We will drive to Nashville. Vj and I will talk and try to act like we are not nervous. We will walk in to doctors offices where receptionists and nurses will make jokes with us. We will laugh and VJ will probably have every lady in that place cracking up as he puts on a show as always. I love that about him. It takes the focus off of me. Maybe people won't notice that when we talk about this sweet baby I am carrying I fold inward just a little as if maybe I can protect her just a little more. We will watch our girl dance across a screen again. I will scrutinize every look on the ultrasound tech's face to see if she will give me an clues as to what the doctor will tell us this time. The doctor will talk to us and we will try to understand the meaning behind all that medical terminology. Then we will go home and try to process what just happened and gear up for more weeks of waiting.

I used to be laid back. I used to never let anything get under my skin. I have never struggled with anxiety. That was until now. If you have never been through a pregnancy like mine you may not be able to understand.It is a scary thing, this uncertainty.I need an extra dose of courage tomorrow. I need an extra dose of courage for the next 12 weeks. I am afraid and I hope that is ok. I am doing my very best to remain calm. I want to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. I want to bring glory to God, even in the times when I am at my weakest. I will do my best to be strong. I will cling to the promises of my God, and I will wait...